One word for this rising reality is “saddening”. Few months ago, when China lifted off its lockdown, news of a surge in divorce cases there got circulating on the Internet. As nations globally struggle to decide whether to reinforce lockdown or not post rise in COVID-19 cases after lockdown-liftoff, it’s shameful for the civilization to witness such a social issue in the year 2020 where comparatively more people are supposedly educated than people in any other year in the past.
What’s more depressing is the fact that all these years we had been assuming that educating more and more people will help eradicate such problems from society but the effort of all these years to raise the literacy rate of countries, counties and places just got meaningless with the news that domestic violence is rising in the homes of people. If domestic violence is what our intelligence thinks of as the best choice for handling the situation, then sadly we have failed in everything we have ever achieved.
If an educated human being cannot respect the existence of a fellow human being for whatsoever reason and chooses to physically or mentally abuse someone, we are a shame in the name of intelligent life. You know what let’s dissect this out. In fact, let’s forget education as a reason to argue for a while.
What kind of mentality actually leads to domestic violence? Frustration, depression, intolerance, disrespect, entitlement is what I can think of most. Getting frustrated happens often when things don’t work the way we want for a long time. Depression is that frustration lasting for longer duration. Intolerance is the inability to accept reality for what it really is. We nourish our belief system for years in such a way that when we happen to witness something that doesn’t match our belief system (our presumed reality), we disagree and we cannot tolerate the other person’s argument, especially if it keeps on counter-attacking our own system. Disrespect comes from the same belief system we make up in our mind due to various norms being followed for a long time in the society, or due to simply not ever needing to question why the society runs the way it does.
We happen to reach our own conclusion about some particular group of people that might not be the reality but looks like that’s what is supposed to be done. When we fail logically and humanely, disrespect is what comes out as result. Entitlement is a huge problem. A lot of us are sub-consciously entitled. We just cannot accept the fact that the world owes nothing to us. We like the feeling of entitlement because it makes us feel special and important which might be far from what reality really looks like. Things get worst when we cannot tolerate others being entitled in their own way. That hits on our ego and these all happen sub-consciously. Summing up all these, we who are supposedly called as an intelligent life are actually not consciously leading our lives.
Mind is our greatest friend and our greatest enemy, depending on how we choose to nourish it. What we do is often directly linked to what and how we think. When we decide to marry someone, either by our choice or by our family’s choice, do we think for once that like we are bringing someone in our life, that someone else is also bringing us in their life? Do we happen to question that like we have desires, that someone might also have desires? We all know that we all lack at something. If we don’t wish to be judged based on our weaknesses, don’t others also prefer something similar? If we want to be accepted almost in every situation of our life by others despite having differences, don’t others also want something similar? Simply putting, if we want to be treated with love and kindness like a human being, everyone around us including our spouse, children, parents, relatives and friends also want to be treated similarly. What is so complex about understanding this simple fact? Do we as humans wish to be beaten? Do we like to be yelled at or be physically or mentally harmed or manipulated in a way which is unacceptable to us? If we don’t wish/like to, why do we think we can treat someone like that?
Humans are social animals because we live in a society. That concept came from past eras where living in society was a safe and sound option – for survival and emotional support. This slowly became tradition and a form of ritual in one’s life. When we decide or accept someone’s entry in our life, why the hell in the world can we not just be honest towards ourselves and them and work like a team? Team! Why doesn’t a team sometimes function properly? Cause we made mistakes when we made choice of teammates. Never addressed the differences and when those differences come up, we fail to accept. And the team never saw the ultimate outcome as a goal greater than themselves, and hence, the teams falls apart brutally failing to achieve the goal the team was formed for. Similar situations for marriages. Once we fail as teammates, neither we achieve that emotional support, nor be able to support someone else. Both the people in the marriage happen to be vulnerable and we are never happy in life, nor we lead a meaningful life.
We make dumb choices, even to choose someone we want to spend our life with. Then we cannot tolerate the differences and then? Domestic violence. Its actually okay to disagree and argue, but its not at all okay to abuse someone to come in agreeing terms with us. Not just physical abuse, even mentally attacking someone to forcefully coming in terms with us is a shameful way of keeping up with relationships. We see such kind of mental manipulations even among children and parents. Its very shameful of us to not realize that every breathing being is a beautiful creation of nature and our duty when we encounter with them is to respect their existence and then embrace them, (until they pose a threat in our own life, which depends on the threat on how we choose to deal with). All our life we make poor choices and upon facing consequences, we get frustrated and intolerant and make some more poor choices that pushes us further inside the loop of sorrow and misery.
I know its tough to like everything about everyone and is not even necessary. But what is really a necessity is to understand that we cannot abuse someone because of our frustration, depression, intolerance, disrespect and entitlement. We will not like someone treating us based on their poor mental state and that’s what we have to acknowledge and follow. If you are a man, would you like your sister or your daughter being treated that way? If you’d not mind with that, making social norms as your base argument, would you like being treated differently just because of how nature has created you? Would you like being robbed by an armed robber because he has a gun? The first thing you’d question is “WHY ME?” Would you like being taken advantage of and being ditched later or disappointed with their behavior when you attach your trust, belief and emotions with someone? Would you like being ill-treated at all? What will you take with yourself when you reach the point when you’re taking your last breath? The pride that your had absolute control over your spouse, parents or children? If that’s what makes you feel proud, nobody in the world is as poor as you are. What is the point in building anything based on hatred?
This post is actually an appeal to all of you to not even bring the thought of abusing your family members in any way and controlling those type of thoughts by feeding your mentality with positivity, love and kindness, and be able to see beyond what you’re actually seeing right now because of poor mentality. Even small tries to be well behaved person at any situation matters, the impact of which is not immediate but long-lasting. If you base your actions on hateful manipulations, its inevitable to come back to you at some point in your life and you’ll have nothing to do then. So please, its hard for everyone right now so be wise, be grateful, and try to cherish your and others’ existence around you. That’s what will make you great, not abuses and manipulations. Doubt my words? Turn the pages of history. HATE NEVER WINS, KINDNESS ALWAYS DOES. DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU CAN SEE IT OR NOT.
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT HAVING GREAT TIMES IN HANDLING RELATIONSHIPS. FOLLOW @garyvee ON INSTAGRAM OR TWITTER OR WHEREVER YOU WANT TO AND LISTEN TO THAT GUY!!!
FOLLOW @am_mayathelife ON TWITTER AND INSTAGRAM.
Please be conscious and treat everyone around you will certain respect. Disrespect just shouldn’t exist. Try to accept differences, else come at certain terms. But please don’t disrupt and kill people’s life and potential by abuse or manipulations.
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Global News break or any other agencies.
